Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ftfrenchy's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, May 24th, 2007
4:23 pm	Today I didn't lose weight. It's so disapointing in the morning to get on the scale and not having lost anything. I even gained 0.4 lbs. it's probably water weight, but I also know that it's because of not exercising yesterday and because of the restaurant lunch. blah.. So today I had lunch with one of my good friend who works at the louvre. It's sunny and amazing. We had lunch outside in a park. I am proud of myself because while she got a sandwich I only got a salad with very little dressing. Then I came back home walking. It's like half an hour from the louvre. I didn't walk fast but it's still something. I stoped at a store and tried some clothes. ew. it makes me realize how long it is going to take before I even think about buying something. Not before a month at least. Tonight I have to go to an opening. I will try not to drink and also not to eat a meal tonight. Maybe a fruit or a protein shake but that's it. Right now I am at 600ish cal and I will try to end the day at around 700. I won't exercise before Friday. THis friend of mine I had lunch with gained a lot of weight lately. SHe is also trying to lose it, but she is cool about it.She goes slowly (and eats sandwiches!). She was trying to talk to me into going to the swimming pool on sat morning but I HATE water! and swimming pool. I don't even have a bathing suit here. But maybe I should go...I don't know I will think about it. So maybe I'll update tonight to say whether or not I made it not eating anything else. This week end my father is coming to work in my appartment. He wants to paint the walls. I hate it when he comes here. I feel like it's a total invasion in my life. He's obsessed with painting this wall though. I couldn't convince him not to do it. I am so annoyed. I am sure he is going to take me to the restaurant. Anyway. I'll make a good choice this time: fish and veggies. or salad. how do you deal with eating out? Have a good day! Current Mood: lazy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007
11:34 pm	(Comment on this)
Sunday, December 3rd, 2006
2:11 am	hi, I haven't posted for ages. I used to be quite active in this community last year. Lots of things happened to me in the meanwhile. I moved from London to LA. In between I was in France with my family and I had a pretty hard summer. let's say that everything went out, that I told everything to my mother, that I went to the doctor... I started an anti depressor treatment but it was at the moment I moved in LA. So it's been quite hard because I haven't had any support, my friend knowing about it are far away and I don't follow a therapy here. I don't know if it's the anti depressor or not but I tried to e at without feeling guilty about it. I wasn't thin before but now I look like a cow. Oh I forgot to tell you guys that I am bulimic with ana tendencies. Basically I don't throw up, my way of purging is by not eating anything and exercising like crazy after a binge. So I go from stuffing myself until feeling sick to feeling the urge to control it back by not eating anything until I collapse back into a binge. Nice right? Well, as you know about it there is a lot f junk food here in the states, a lot more than where I come from...so I guess I have been gaining weight. I am going back to Paris in 13 days and I don't even want to think about how horrible it will be to see my friends and all the skinny french girls. I won't even do any shopping..blah. PLus I am going back for Christmas, meaning that it will be all about food and alcohol. So I decided that until then I am going to do the soup diet and try to exercise 1:30 a day. I haven't had the courage to weight myself yet, so I will do that for 13 days and do my best. Hopefully, it will show in my jeans. good luck all of you, I am so sick of my ED. It hurts so bad.. xxx (Comment on this)
Friday, April 28th, 2006
10:26 pm	update today I was 143.7 far far far from my goal! Slowly but hey...I will loose all of it! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 31st, 2006
4:33 pm	my goals hey, I thought I needed to update everyone. I am ednos, I feel it's been forever that I am in a binge/starvation mode. For the past two years it has been out of control and I gained 20 lbs. I am ashamed to say...but I think I need to tell you all officially how fat I am. This morning: 149.4 lbs. I am 5'5 (For those who read my post for a while you'll see that it ddn't change much. Well I've lost it but I always end binging and gaining back) my goals for the next 5 weeks: April 4: 148.7 April 11: 145 April 18:142 April 25: 139 May 2nd: 135.5 It's like 3.3 lbs a week. I know I can make it because I already did. I can loose 3 lbs per weeks. So keep that in mind, I'll make it. xxx (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
12:53 am	In my last post I didn't tell you what happened to me this week end! I was with my best friend...we don't see each other that often because we live in different countries and she was visiting me. A year and a half ago she was bigger than me and I gave her some nutritional advises for her to drop a bit of weigh. Meanwhile she lost like 30lb!!! And I gained 10... We love shopping together but it ended being miserable for me because I feel like shit and I actually had to face my fat in the mirror. For some reason I don't see myself all the time and I have been hidding the truth. Well, I nearly cried. it was horrible. She told me that I CAN NOT stay like this. it's not me. She told me that I HAVE to loose weigh because I am not happy since I gained these 20lbs a year and a half ago. It was incredible, everything I would try was looking horrible on me but then fantastic on her. She was like I am so sorry blablababla. I am not jealouse because I love her and there is no competition between us. I have just been feeling so sad. In a way it was such a great inspiration because she used to be fatter than me and now she looks like she has such a little frame. So we decided on a plan. A low cals one. And she asked me to email her everyday what I ate. No cheating. She told me she would call me and yell at me if I don't send an email. She's right...I can't stay like this. DIET here I go (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 9th, 2006
11:59 pm	br clear="all"> *HUGS* TOTAL! give ftfrenchy more *HUGS* Get hugs of your own (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 7th, 2006
11:44 pm	cabbage soup diet: day 3!!! abbage soup diet: days 3! End of day 3 and I am still doing good. Today I actually started to feel that my jeans are a bit looser. I had: 1 apple and a cup of blueberry: 120 2 tomatoes and half a cucumber: 22+23 3 apples: 240 ev: 4 carrots and a bowl of cabbage soup: 130 total: 535 cals I didn't noticed but the plan said only green veggies and I had carrots and tomatoes...ooops. I hope it's fine. Tonight I cooked some cabbage soup again and it actually taste and look different than the previous time. Who knows why! But it's better, so great! Tomorrow will be a very very hard day. I know that last time I tried this diet I failed on day 4 or 5. Tomorrow I am supposed to have only bananas and milk with the soup. I liked the previous days because I could eat a bit of fruit or veggies, very often during the day. Tomorrow won't be the case. I won't have a salad for lunch... My problem is that I don't take the soup at work. It's too complicated. Oh and day 5 is difficult as well. It's just a piece of meat and 3 tomatoes. For some reason I hate it. I hate not being able to eat fruits. I will see if this time I am stronger. BIG TEST hope you're all doing good. xxx (Comment on this)
2:11 am	Day 2: veggies day! carrots:148 broccolis and brussels sprout (lunch and dinner) 124 a few baby tomatoes? cabbage soup 10 total: 300 cals I am about to go to bed. It's past 2am here. I have been working like crazy. I have to wake up ealry as well...ew I am proud of me! Hope I will continue like this. good night everyone (Comment on this)
Monday, March 6th, 2006
12:49 am	FIRST DAY! So today was my first day of cabbage soup diet and I actually went through it without having any cabbage soup!! I was supposed to eat soup and fruit but I never like to have it for breakfast and then I ended being at work until 10:30pm...time to come back home it was past 11pm and I called my boyfriend and spent like 1 hour on the phone crying and complaining! I am soo hysterical sometimes. It's annoying. I think I am just tired. So yeah I hope it doesn"t matter but I don't feel like eating this soup right now. Everyone is sleeping here and I don't want to start preparing it in the kitchen. I had: strawberry+apple for breakfast apple for lunch apple for dinner apple right now 390 cals. right, I am going to bed now. oh! I forgot to say how strong I have been because my colleagues cooked cakes with marzipan and stuff, and we had chocolate chips cookies as well. It was smelling amazing in the entire office. But I didn't touch it!!! I thought about you all and about the fact it would be miserable to fail on day one! (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 5th, 2006
12:05 am	I know this is very cliché but I have to say it...I have issues and I am such an emotional eater. I don't know how to fix it. I need to be happy and it's been at least 3 years that it's not the case and that I have been in an horrible eating addiction nightmare. I've gained 20 pounds. The more it goes like this and the worst it is. I am not happy and I binge, so because I binged I am not happy ...etc. How the fuck am I going to stop this? The only moment I am happy is when I have control of my live. I need to wake up early, to feel great in my body...I don't know what to do. I am so lost sometimes. It's weird how people always says that one feels bad when being a teenager. I was feeling awesome at the time. It's now that I am older that I have this ED and everything. Today I waited all day for news from my boyfriend and NOTHING. So I guess I am a bit depressed tonight. Tomorrow I will try to force myself to get up early and go to the gym. This will be very difficult because when I am depressed I have the tendency not to wake up. At some point I was setting 3 alarms and still being unable to make it! I have to tomorrow. I think I just feel so lonely. Anyway, I am being boring. Hope you all are having a wonderful sat night love f (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 4th, 2006
7:36 pm	hi, I am going on a cabbage soup diet for 11 days. I'll only weight myself on 16th of March. I know this is going to be really really hard but I know I can do it. What is 11 days in a life time? NOTHING. It's just a short effort which can make me loose 10 pounds in 11 days if I exercise everyday on top of it. I will keep you all posted and we'll see if it's doable. BTW if anyone is ready to do it with me I'd love to have some support. But you have to know that there is no going out and stuff, it's a bit like going on a fast socially... http://www.cabbage-soup-diet.com/index.php I have already done it and I know it works. THe only thing is that it's soooo hard to fucking eat cabbage soup all the time. BLAH. I generally can't in the morning so I just have tea and a fruit if it's a 'fruit day'. I know it's planed on 7 days only so for the 4 following days, I will keep having soup+ eggs white in order to have a maximum of protein and stabilize the weight loss. Anyone with me? (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
12:11 am	hi, I am back! Paris was great, I walked around a lot. I miss Paris so much since I moved away from it. I am feeling better about the loss of my friend but I haven't faced writing to his father yet. Going to Paris helped me a lot. My friends have been amazing about it. Anyway, the few first days I was only eating in the evening when I had too because I was staying at a friend and I felt I was loosing weight. But then we did a couple of parties and then I started to binge and I ate a lot the next few days...plus I got my periods. So I feel huge now and I am a bit depressed to be back here in London. I could have stayed longer because I didn't have any work today! I did a bit of shopping but there was already all the summer collection and honestly everything seemed soo tiny for me. I really have to loose weight because I am even loosing the pleasure of shopping. Anyway, my best friend come to visit me in 15 days so it gives me an objective. Tomorrow, I'll try to be back on track. I missed you all and thanks again for the support. xxx (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
11:29 pm	11am: Oatmeal + apple= 200 2pm: apple=80 4pm: salad: (cucumber 23, eggs 33, pepper 31, soy germs 10)=100 7pm: yogurt: 65 10pm: Chocolate: 150 (I had to eat something because I was still at work and it was pretty much everything we had. I didn’t touch the fries though!) total:595 cals Exercise 40 min cardio (stepper and cycling) Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Monday, February 20th, 2006
9:02 pm	hey! So last night I couldn't sleep at all. I got this huge hunger pain and I felt dizy until mid day today. I don't know what happened because I actually ate dinner...but it was horrible. LIke I couldn't sleep and I couldn't eat either because I was nauseous. Today I was so tired! So I decided that today I would eat healthy and not restrict too much. I had: morning: Oatmeal+apple= 200 lunch: Salad (2 tomatoes 44, cucumber 23, eggs white 33)=100 2pm: yogurt =68 dinner: Brussel sprouts 56, broccoli 31, tuna steak= 215, yogurt=68 total 738cals And I didn't exercise because I had a lot of work, so I couldn't make it. I had to go in an other part of the city. But it's ok because I walked a lot in the cold. LIke at least 30 min walk. Why did I get this hunger pain? Even if I actually ate...? This is so strange? Did that ever happened to you? Basically yesterday I had like 500 something cas but I burned 500 at the gym. So any explanation? tks frenchy (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 19th, 2006
12:00 pm	hey! I feel great today. I wish it could be like this al the time. 12am: oatmeal+ pomme+yahourt = 270 5pm: 2 tomatoes = 44, soup= 100 yogurt=65 dinner: apple+yogurt= 145 Total: 624cals exercise 500 cals (20 min eliptical, 20 min cycling, 15 min running)+ abs (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 12th, 2006
1:19 am	day 4, 15.5p on verra, c'est bizarre j'ai l'impression de manger beaucoup mais en meme temps de maigrir. On verra le verdict mardi sur la balance..La vache ce que je suis pressée d'y etre. J'ai genre un bon mois et demi à tenir avant d'ê^tre présentable. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 10th, 2006
11:30 pm	3 WW days so my 3 first days are ok, this isn't hard to follow since nothing is forbiden. Day 1: I had 17.5p (with chocolate and drinking) Day 2: I had 20p (with chocolate and sandwich) Day 3: I had 17.5p (with chocolate and oatmeal) This morning I weigh in at 68.0. I don't know what to think, I am waiting tuesday to see if I've lost weight at the WW meeting. I think this weekly thing can help not to give up. I really LOVE chocolate! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
11:11 pm	hi, So today is a fresh new start for me. I went to WW 70.6 le soir avec mon jean, chausettes, pull et t shirt. I was prepared for a 72 do that's fine. When I weight myself weeks ago I was 68.8 and it wasnaked morning. And I've eaten tones lately. Like overeating crisis. I think I am going to really try. And we'll see. So that's it for today. next weight in in a week. I hope I'll be a lot less than that. My first objectif they set for me is 7 less kilos, which would mean 63.6 in the evening and being wearing my clothes. I can't wait to be there. I hope I'll make it. I will really try to do it as they think, even though I have an hard time to think that I can loose weight in eating 19 points!!!!!! chocolate, being drinking etc. but hey, let's give it a try. I'd like to be ok when lucy comes on 16 of feb. It's in 5 weeks. Reasonably if I loose 1kg a week I can hope to be 64kg? I will try to respect this 19 point thing but if I feel awfull I can trick the system by exercising and not eating the point I've earned. i'd like to loose weight without giving up my life. I am quite stress because after that I will have tried everything and it will be hopeless. oh and I had lasagne tonight. WW one and it was good. I saw pizza's as well at the supermarket. So maybe I can include that in my diet? sounds crazy! Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
9:14 pm	Today I ate 300 cals and I burnt 420 at the gym. This morning though I get on the scale and I was 66.1 kg...I don't get it. THe day before I was 65.5. I cannot have gained weight, it's impossible so I guess it's because i am on my period. We'll see...I don't know if weight myself tomorrow.. I have 6 days left. I start to be very tired, it was hard at the gym today. I feel so good in my jean now! Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)